


Love Like A Rose

by Ixora_sirmxnhx



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Love, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pictures, Texting, Toxic Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships, breaking up, cursing, guilt tripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 16:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20428961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ixora_sirmxnhx/pseuds/Ixora_sirmxnhx
Summary: The love the two of us shared was as pure as snow, and as beautiful as a rose. That was what Felix believed.





	Love Like A Rose

_ Felix can’t imagine a life without Han Jisung._

He had known Han Jisung since he was a child. The two of them were foreigners with Korean parents who decided to move back to Korea and happened to go to the same primary school. Han Jisung was a shy boy, constantly hiding behind Felix’s back when the other children surrounded them. 

Felix wasn’t the most sociable boy either, and he struggled with the language as a child, so he’d always end up feeling flustered being unable to answer their questions. Jisung noticed and he’d speak up in the softest voice ever, and they’ve been friends since.

Their friendship only grew stronger throughout the years. Han Jisung was Felix’s best friend, and Felix was his.

Jisung grew the most between the two of them. He found his passion in music. He became more confident. He grew to be popular in school with people of both gender. Their classmates love him. Their teachers adore him. Felix admired him, and his admiration blossomed into adoration.

Felix loved the way Jisung's eyes turn into crescents every time he'd smile so brightly. He loved the way Jisung laugh. It was like music to his ears. He loved the way Jisung always thought about him first whenever he'd came across something interesting. He loved the way Jisung stuff food inside his cheeks whenever he eats. He loved the way Jisung's eyes sparkle whenever they'd talk about his favorite rapper.

** _ Felix loved Han Jisung._**

He remember the day of the confession. He remember how his heart threatened to leap out of his throat out of fear and anxiety. Felix wasn't afraid of rejection, he was afraid of destroying his friendship with Jisung. He was terrified, and he couldn't bring himself to meet Jisung's eyes after he'd spill out his feelings. He remember crying into Jisung's arms as the other embraced him, staining Felix's shirt with his own tears as he confessed that he felt the same way.

** _ Felix truly loved Han Jisung._**

** _ Felix still loves Han Jisung._**

He still loves Jisung even if Jisung yells at him for something he has done wrong. He still loves him even though they argue more often than not recently. He still loves him even when Jisung accuses him of something he didn’t do. He still loves him even if Jisung doesn’t let Felix do what he wants without Jisung’s permission.

Felix loves Han Jisung, and he would do anything to make him happy, even if he knows that this relationship is moving downhill.

“Felix, don’t you think you should end this?” Hyunjin has a frown on his face as he seated himself across the Aussie, right next to Changbin. “Aren’t you tired if this?”

Felix sends him an incredulous look, his lips pursed as a million questions run through his mind over Hyunjin’s words. “What do you mean? I’m just fine.”

Felix doesn't understand why Hyunjin would constantly push his opinions on him. Felix is happy and well. He's doing just fine, and he never misses a day on reminding his group of friends about it, even if Jisung and him argued almost every morning. But he's happy, and so is Jisung.

Changbin's lips parts as though he wants to say something, but he quickly decided against it and they closes again. Felix doesn't need to ask to know what they are thinking about, and he doesn't wish to touch on the subject, not when they know they'll only receive the same answers they've gotten out of him for the past few months.

Felix doesn't miss the frustration they hold in their eyes when his phone pings. He doesn't miss the way Hyunjin frowns as Felix picks up his phone to check on the notification. He doesn't miss the way Changbin lets out a defeated sigh under his breath. He doesn't miss the way they stare at him, hoping he'd simply ignore the incoming text he just received.

Felix brushes them off easily, choosing to unlock the screen of his phone to respond to his beloved Jisung. 

Felix couldn't hide the frown that begins to grow on his lips, nor could he hide the way his eyebrows furrow in frustration and anxiety as he re-reads the texts. Jisung's very blatantly ignoring him, something he often does when Felix does something he disapproves of, when Jisung wants to show that he isn't happy with him, and it makes Felix feel terrible.

The familiar heaviness that spreads through his chest made it slightly harder for him to breathe, but he's used to it. A thousand thoughts of how to make it up to Jisung run through his mind. Making up with Jisung is his top priority then. Perhaps he should find him, seeing as Jisung refuses to reply to him in text. But where exactly is Jisung? He doesn't know his exact location, but he knows for sure that Jisung most likely isn't in class. He could be anywhere in the school grounds, and Jisung can be rather determined on avoiding him when he puts his mind to it.

Felix is snapped out of his thoughts by Changbin's loud sigh, one that is so obviously meant to catch his attention as the older male leans into the table. Their gazes meet, and Changbin opens his mouth to speak. "Didn't Jisung say he'll be with Minho hyung? Chan hyung's probably with them too. I remember him saying something about needing something from Minho hyung." 

The Aussie appreciates the way Changbin could easily read his mind, putting him at ease whenever he finds himself in a near panicked state. He appreciates the fact Changbin knows exactly what he needs to hear whenever he needs it.

"Thanks, hyung," and Felix makes sure to voice out his appreciation.

Hyunjin has been silent for a good while, Felix notices. He notices the way Hyunjin bites onto the straw of his drink as he listens to his conversation with Changbin. He notices the way Hyunjin looks away whenever their eyes would meet. He notices the way his eyebrows furrow whenever he thinks Felix is staring at the screen of his phone. 

Hyunjin hates Han Jisung, and he doesn't try to hide it. Felix knows this. Hyunjin knows he knows, but neither said anything about it.

* * *

** [ PAST CONVERSATION ] **

** [ END OF CONVERSATION ] **

* * *

Despite the constant arguments Felix and Hyunjin shares, Felix will not deny that Hyunjin has always been there for him whenever he needs someone to lean on. Hyunjin is the first person he had opened up to when they entered senior high school. He's been there for Felix when his relationship with Jisung began to turn for the worse. He was the first person to know about what happened to Felix, and the one to witness what went down between him and Han Jisung.

Hyunjin is his other best friend, someone he could always rely on despite their disagreements and differing opinions about Felix's relationship. 

* * *

** [ PAST CONVERSATION ] **

** [ END OF CONVERSATION ] **

* * *

Felix understands why Hyunjin would be frustrated about the situation he's in. Hyunjin cares a lot about him, and he knows that. Even so, Felix still doesn't share the same sentiments he has of Jisung. Felix loves Jisung, and he knows Jisung isn't as bad as how Hyunjin describes him to be. He has known Jisung the longest. Felix understands Jisung the most, and he knows that his boyfriend has a lot of positives to him which Hyunjin just has yet to see.

Felix couldn't help the small smile that spreads across his face as he re-reads the text he receives from Chris. He's always been a good friend to both him and Jisung, and he appreciates it. Chris is the only person who could ever relate to him whenever he talks about how much he misses Australia and the food there.

Chris is another friend of Felix's that knows about his relationship with Jisung, although he's not very aware of what is happening between the two of them aside from the fact they argue a lot. Felix try not to bother Chris with his relationship problems, and Chris never tries to pry. Felix appreciates that.

"I'll be back later, guys. I've got something to do." Felix announces as he gets up from his seat, earning himself differing looks from both boys that are seated across him. The look Hyunjin shoots is all too familiar, one that he often shows when he finds something unpleasant, and it's one that he often shows whenever Felix would bring up anything about him and Jisung. 

"What's so important that you need to hurry?" Rather than question, Felix would say that it's more of a silent plea for Felix to listen to him and stay, for once, instead of trying to please Jisung. But Hyunjin knows the answer that the blond would give. "Jisung. He's at the practice room on the second floor, so I'm heading there." It's an answer that is within Hyunjin's expectation. He doesn't try to hide his frown as Felix packs up his things into his bag.

"Felix, can't you wait?" This time, Changbin intercepts. Felix could see the worry painted all over his face as he stares at him, eyebrows furrowed. "You two live in the same apartment, and finals are coming up so I'll be busy." He reasons.

Felix feels bad. It isn’t always that he is able to meet up with Changbin within campus. The older always has something to do, so the time he has to meet with any of then is rare, yet Felix still chooses Jisung over any other things.  
The Aussie shoots him an apologetic smile, firmly shaking his head in rejection as he pulls up the sling of his bag onto his shoulder. “Sorry, hyung. You know how Jisung can be. But I’ll still be there for karaoke later.”

Changbin only lets out a sigh — Something he seem to do rather often around Felix, and it always leaves somewhat of a bad taste in his mouth.

Felix knows of Changbin’s disapproval of his relationship with Jisung. Unlike Hyunjin, Changbin doesn’t dislike Jisung as a person. In fact, he and Jisung get along rather well, and the two of them often shares the same interest and taste in music. They share a close friendship, but Changbin doesn’t approve of how Jisung acts towards Felix.

Changbin always tries to help Felix whenever the former argues with Jisung. He tries to help them resolve conflicts, and has always acted as the middle man between the two of them. Changbin is the person that helps Felix keep his cool when Hyunjin can’t.

* * *

** [ PAST CONVERSATION ] **

** ** [ END OF CONVERSATION ] ** **

* * *

Felix remembers all the times Changbin has helped him out with Jisung, and he's forever grateful for it. He wishes that he can somehow thank the older for all the efforts he had done to help the two of them the best he could. He'll make sure to return his gratitude when the time is right, but that time is not now. 

He glances over to the two across him to apologize, once again, before leaving the table with his bag and a pudding he previously bought for himself in hand. He hopes that it will be enough of a compensation for Jisung when he meets him.

Thankfully, it doesn't take long for Felix to find the practice room Chan speaks of. He has been here a couple of times whenever he is looking for Hyunjin, after all.

Hwang Hyunjin is a dance major, alongside their friend and senior, Lee Minho — not to be confused with the teacher Lee Minho of acting major — and the two of them often practice together in the practice room located on the second floor.

The first thing he did when he reached there is to knock, which is common courtesy. From the other side of the door, he could hear music, and the sound of hurried footsteps shuffling around. The music then stops, and it doesn't take long for the door to open. Felix finds himself face-to-face with his beloved boyfriend, Jisung, who slams the door right into his face as soon as their eyes meet.

Felix knocks on the door again, and he receives a harsh response in return. "Go away! I'm still mad at you." That voice is unmistakably Jisung's, and Felix feels his heart squeezes at the words that are thrown at him. He inhales deeply, and proceeds to knock again. He sounds rather broken as he speaks in the softest voice he could muster. "Jisung.. Let me in, please? I got you pudding. It's your favorite."

The door creaks open again, just slightly, and Felix can see Jisung peeking out from the creak of the door as he eyes at the pudding Felix holds on his outstretched hand. Jisung's hand sneaks out to grab at the pudding (rather easily, too, as Felix doesn't try anything), pulls his hand back in, and slams the door into Felix's face, once again.

This time, Felix hears Minho's voice coming from the other side of the door. He can't really make out what they're saying, seeing as the room is somewhat soundproofed, but Felix can tell that the two of them are kind of arguing with each other. Then, he hears silence, before the door opens again. This time, wide enough for him to actually enter and see Jisung sulking at the back of the room.

"No one else is in here. I booked the place." Minho speaks with a small smile as he ushers Felix into the room, settling himself down next to Jisung, who is strongly refusing to do so much as glance as Felix, and he can feel something inside him break yet again.

"Did you finally decided that you'll take up my offer on joining the archery club? 'Cause honestly you've got the skills." Felix can tell that the older is trying to make him feel less tense after what had just happened with Jisung, and Felix appreciates the gesture, but Felix is here for a reason.

"No, but I'll think about it, hyung." Felix answers with a smile, and Minho lets out a loud sigh of disappointment, although Felix knows that Minho's just being somewhat dramatic. "Hyung, can I.. be alone with Jisung for a bit? If that's okay?" Hesitation crosses Minho's features as he glances over to the boy sitting next to him, who — for a fact — still refuses to meet Felix's gaze. He makes up his mind fairly quick, though, and he gives Felix a nod of understanding.

Before Minho left, he had leaned forward to whisper something into Jisung's ears, and whatever it is that he had said clearly doesn't sit well with the former, seen from the way he whips his head back to send him a look of bewilderment and a glare, mouth parted to speak but words never managing to leave his lips because Minho decides to speed-walk to the door without giving him a chance to talk.

The atmosphere between them is tense. The air felt dense, and Felix finds it rather hard to even breathe. He's the one who asked for privacy, yet he can't bring himself to say something, anything, to Jisung, who still won't look at him.

Unsurprisingly, Jisung is the first to break the heavy silence, albeit grating. "What?" The way he speaks sends another knife straight into Felix's heart. It takes everything he could to blink back the tears that threatens to fall, and to compose himself enough to actually answer the other.

"Jisung, love.." He starts, but he's quickly cut off by the other's sharp words. "Don't call me love."

It leaves another cut right through his heart, and Felix has to remind himself to suck in a deep breath before continuing. "Jisung, look.. I'm sorry about not waiting for you, but I promised Hyunjin—"

"Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin— Don't you think you're hanging around him too much?" Jisung snaps, cutting Felix off mid-sentence for the second time today. Jisung's finally looking at him, or more accurately, 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 at him. "You'd much rather be with him than with me, is that it?"

Felix doesn’t understand where Jisung is coming from — He never really does. He doesn’t understand why Jisung would even mention Hyunjin, as though he’s implying that something is going on between them, outside of his knowledge. The very idea of the accusation breaks Felix’s heart.

“Jisung, you know that’s not it. I told you we’ve got a project—“

“You aren’t even in the same class!” Jisung interrupts yet again, and this time, Felix isn’t having any of it.

“No, but we share Mr. Nichkhun’s class on rap for extra credits, and we’ve got a project for HIS class, Jisung. You would know this if you’d just let me explain.” Felix surprises himself with the tone he speaks in. It’s rare for Felix to snap back at Jisung, much less sounding so cold towards the other.

It must have surprises Jisung as well, and it shows from the way he gapes at Felix. Jisung wears his heart on his sleeves, so it isn’t really that hard to find out what exactly he’s feeling, but Felix can never makes sense of his train of thoughts.

“Fuck you.” Jisung spits. The confusion Felix feels only grows, and he struggles to find the words to reply without further angering the other. It isn’t as though he’s given a chance to, though, as Jisung decides to end their conversation short. Felix only watches as Jisung rushes over to the door, slamming it open and stomping out of the room in an obvious fury.

It only takes seconds for Minho to enter the room, his eyes fixated on Felix in hopes of receiving an update to the situation he has somehow gotten himself into. The look on Felix’s face gives him all the answers he needs, however. It doesn’t look like Felix wants to talk about it, and Minho can tell that the issue won’t be easily resolved.

“I’ll talk to Jisung.” The smile he sends out to Felix is full of empathy, an attempt of his to console the younger. Felix feels tears pricking his eyes, his gaze directed towards the ground in an attempt to hide them. He inhales several deep, shaky breath, refusing to cry in such a place, right in front if Minho.

“Thanks, hyung.” Those are the only words he manages to utter, as Felix is scared of his voice betraying him at that moment. 

Felix can’t seem to recall the period of time he walked from the practice room all the way to Hyunjin’s dorm. What he does remember is crying into Hyunjin’s arms while Hyunjin comforts him. Felix could barely breathe with the way his nose is clogging up from his crying, and throughout it all he could hear Hyunjin’s soft voice reminding him to breathe through his mouth. He can feel Hyunjin’s hands rubbing comforting circles on his back. Hyunjin doesn’t care if tears and snot are staining his clothes, all that matters is for Felix to be okay

It takes a while until Felix is finally calm again, but Hyunjin can tell that Felix still has things he needs to let out. “Lix, do you want to talk now?” He threads carefully, his fingers lightly running through the blond’s hair in a comforting gesture. The answer he receives comes out in a broken ‘yes’, one that crushes his heart into a million pieces.

Hyunjin doesn’t like seeing Felix like this. He hates it, and he wishes that he could somehow help Felix ends it.

“Here, take a drink first.” A glass of bottle had already been prepared before Felix reaches. Hyunjin expected Felix to cry his eyes out when he is here, after all. This isn’t the first time he has, either. The way Hyunjin treats Felix makes him feel safe. Safe from whatever it is that is happening all around him. Safe from.. from... 𝘕𝘰, Felix shouldn’t think that.

Felix takes large, few gulps of the glass of water that is offered to him. Hyunjin stays by his side, an arm around Felix to keep him close, keeping him safe and comfortable until he’s ready to speak up.

“Hyunjin, I’m so... lost.” The hoarseness in his voice is unmistakable, proof of how much he has cried just prior before, and it hurts him. It hurts Hyunjin. “I know, Lix, I know.” Hyunjin’s hand travels down to find Felix’s, to grasp his best friend’s hand into his own, squeezing down slightly in an attempt of comfort, to remind Felix that he is right by his side, and Felix appreciates it.

The way Felix holds onto his hand like a lifeline further breaks Hyunjin’s heart. “Jisung.. Jisung, he— He thinks there’s something going on between us and I..” Felix is crying again, and Hyunjin’s anger only grows.

“That fucker— Who does he think you are?! Everyone with eyes can tell that you’re whipped for him, and he has the audacity to think you’d— that you’d **_cheat_** on him??!” Perhaps Hyunjin shouldn’t have worded it out so directly. Felix’s cries only seems to get worse, and Hyunjin feels bad, but at the same time he is pissed. Frustrated.

_Hyunjin hates Han Jisung for hurting his best friend._

_Hyunjin hates Han Jisung for hurting his beloved Felix._

"Lix. Felix, look at me." Felix feels Hyunjin's hands cupping his tear-stained cheeks, slowly lifting his head up to meet his best friend's serious gaze. Felix thinks he looks unsightly, but Hyunjin doesn't mind. Hyunjin never does. "Felix, I can't stand seeing you like this anymore. _Please_, stop hurting yourself like this."

The way Hyunjin looks at him is full of warmth, worry, frustration, sadness, 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚. It makes Felix 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 things that he knows he shouldn't, and he's crying, the hardest he ever has in his entire life.

Felix doesn't remember what happens next, but it is the first time he has slept so well for the night.

For once, there's no screaming.

For once, Felix sleeps without worries and guilt plaguing his night.

For once, Felix sleeps without nightmares waking him up in the middle of the night.

For once, Felix feels **_safe_**. Safe within Hyunjin's comforting arms.

...

...

Waking up to someone crying has never been pleasant, moreover if it’s someone who means so much to you. To see _Felix_ in such a state breaks Hyunjin’s heart for the nth time that week, and he can’t help but to bring Felix in for a hug despite being sluggish in the mornings. Hyunjin has never been a morning person, and he never will be, but Felix is more important than anything to him right then.

“Lix, what’s—“ Hyunjin’s words are cut off by a silent yawn, but he is quick in resuming his sentence. “What’s wrong..? Why are you crying?” His voice is raspy from having just woken up, and Felix feels rather bad for disturbing Hyunjin’s sleep. However, he appreciates the warmth and comfort the other brings him, and he hates how easily he allows himself to latch onto Hyunjin, allowing his tears to flow freely and ruining another one of Hyunjin’s shirts. 

Felix _hates_ how much Hyunjin’s whispers of comforts calms him down so easily. Felix _hates_ how the way Hyunjin threads his fingers through his hair makes Felix melts into a puddle of goo from how relaxing and familiar it is. Felix _hates_ that everything Hyunjin is doing to him, he wishes Jisung would. Felix _hates_ that he can’t stop thinking about Han Jisung even though the latter breaks him and his heart every single day. Felix hates the way Han Jisung occupies his mind. Felix _hates_ that he loves a man that brings him so much pain and happiness all at once.

** _ Felix hates just how much he has been lying to himself about his relationship with Han Jisung._**

Hyunjin holds Felix close until the latter’s cries has subdued. Felix can tell that Hyunjin has dozed off a couple of times, but it’s fine. Hyunjin has yet to wake up properly, after all. He appreciates Hyunjin just being there for him.

“Hyunjin. Hyunjin, I—“ he hiccups. “I—- I b-broke up with Jisung.” 

If Hyunjin wasn’t awake then, he most likely is now. He pulls himself back almost too suddenly to meet Felix’s puffy, red eyes. The shock is evident on Hyunjin’s face, and Felix almost whines for Hyunjin to stop staring at him with such intensity.

“Wait, hold on— Let me get this straight. _**He**_ broke up with you?” Hyunjin questions, and the answer he receives from Felix only seems to shock him further. “No, Hyunjin, it’s me. **_I_** broke up with Jisung. I told him we needed to talk and— And I broke up with him.”

Hyunjin stares at him with mouth agape, and Felix swears he can hear the gears turning in his head.

The silence that falls between them is rather awkward, but it doesn’t last long, not when Hyunjin decides to tackle him onto the ground in another hug. His hold on him is tight, as though Hyunjin is afraid of Felix disappearing if he is to let go. He knows Felix needs it more than anything then. He knows how much Felix is hurting because of this, more than anyone else. 

“Felix, are you.. Are you for real? You’re really breaking up with Jisung? Like, _**actually**_ breaking up with him?” Hyunjin pulls back and is staring straight into Felix’s eyes again. The intensity of it makes Felix shrinks back, just slightly. “Yeah. I.. I think about what you told me before. What you and Changbin hyung told me, and you’re.. You’re _right_. About everything.”

This time, Felix is the one who grabs onto Hyunjin’s hand first, as an emotional support for himself, to remind himself that he’ll be able to get through this as long as his friends are here for him.

“I love Jisung, Hyunjin. I really love him. I still love him, he makes me so weak, so happy, but he— He also makes me feel so _insignificant_.” Felix leans into Hyunjin, burying his face into the other’s neck as he begins to cry again, albeit silently.

Felix feels like a mess. He feels like a glass that has been shattered into a million little pieces and he’s trying to pick them up again, one by one. “I love him so much, my heart aches. I love him so much that I would put anything — even myself — behind him. I love him, but he hurts me so and I— I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep lying to myself. I don’t want to let go but.. I know we have to. We’ll only keep hurting each other otherwise.”

Hyunjin hates how that, even in such a situation, Felix still thinks about Jisung. From his words alone, Hyunjin can tell that the breakup isn’t just for himself — But also for Jisung. Every single thing Felix does, he does it out of his love for Jisung. Felix knows that he’s not the only one who is hurting in the relationship. Felix is aware that Jisung feels insecure, jealous, unconfident, and Felix blames himself for being incapable of taking care of him.

** _ Felix loves Han Jisung, and Felix doesn’t want to hurt Jisung any longer. _ **

Felix knows he has to properly break it off with Jisung. Face to face. He will have to return to their shared apartment and clear things out with him, and Hyunjin insists to be there for him. Felix appreciates the thoughtfulness, but he doesn’t want Hyunjin to be involved in their mess, and the two of them finally compromises on Hyunjin waiting for Felix outside of the apartment. If the situation is to get physical, Hyunjin is allowed to interfere.

Felix doesn’t expect the break up to go smoothly. He never has. Felix has expected to be yelled at, screamed at the moment he reaches their shared apartment, and it happens. Jisung is yelling, screaming at him to get out, questioning why Felix even has the audacity to appear in front of him again, and it breaks Felix’s heart.

Every words that he throws at him feels like a thousand knives grazing through his heart. Felix wants to hold Jisung close to him, to kiss away the tears that stains his cheeks, to tell him that he loves him and how much Jisung means to him—-...

_But Felix knows he can’t._

_ Felix can’t lie to himself any longer. _

_ Felix can’t lie to Jisung any longer. _

“Jisung, I’m sorry.” Those words leaves his lips in a whisper, audible enough for the other to hear, and it only fuels Jisung’s anger, his sadness. Felix knows Jisung’s heart is as broken as his, and Felix wants to cry. He’s been crying so much in the past 24 hours. “I’m so sorry, Jisung.” Felix repeats, and he doesn’t hold back the tears from falling as he stares at his beloved Jisung, who’s now kneeling on his knees and sobbing into his hands.

Felix’s heart aches. It feels like his heart is going to be ripped out of his chest, and it hurts. But Felix needs to get it out. He needs to tell Jisung. To make it official.

** “Jisung, this is goodbye.” **

Felix doesn’t look back when he leaves. Jisung’s cries engraves itself into his memories, and Felix knows. He knows he won’t be able to forget it. He knows he won’t be able to forget Jisung, and that a part of him will continue to hurt. Always.

Felix didn’t simply leave Jisung as he is. He could never. Felix understands Jisung best, and he knows that Jisung is hurting just as much as he is. Felix knows that when Jisung is emotional, he tend to do things that he might regret later on, so Felix sends a message to their neighbor, Seungmin.

His memories after that is fuzzy, but Felix remembers Hyunjin holding onto his hand as support, guiding him back to Hyunjin’s room in the dorm. Felix remembers Hyunjin offering Felix to stay in his room until he finds another place to stay. Felix remembers Hyunjin taking care of him, making sure that Felix eats dinner and providing him with the comfort he needs. Felix remembers clinging onto Hyunjin as he cries into the night, and Hyunjin never pushing him away.

Felix misses Han Jisung, so very badly, and Hyunjin knows.

** _ Felix loves Han Jisung. _ **

** _ Felix loved Han Jisung. _ **

Their love was as pure as snow, and as beautiful as a rose, but as time passes, the beauty of it begins to fade. Snow melts, roses wither. Beneath their beauty, there are cold and thorns, things so apparent yet still fail to be seen as they were too blinded by the beauty of it in that moment.

Felix will always love Han Jisung, even after all the pain he had went through. After all, Han Jisung was Felix’s first love.

...

As for Jisung, he feels lost. Lost without Lee Felix. Half of his entire life, he has spent it with Felix, and now he's gone.

__Lee Felix left him._ Lee Felix broke up with him._

Jisung can't figure out what went wrong. He can't figure out what drives Felix to leave his side, even though Felix promises that he'll stay by his side no matter what. Everything in their shared apartment reminds him of Felix, and Jisung hates it. He absolutely hates it. Every corner of his mind, there is Lee Felix, and now they will only serve as a constant reminder of this horrible day. Of the day Lee Felix left him. 

Jisung hates the way Felix smiles at him. He hates the way Felix's soft touches linger on his skin. He hates the way Felix's eyes hold an infinite capacity of love and care for him. He hates that Felix's familiar voice rings clear in his ears. He hates how Felix's tears tugs at his heartstrings real badly. He hates how Felix occupies every single seconds of his waking moments. But what he hates the most, are the words that Felix leaves him with.

The word Felix utters on the day of their break up will always remain engraved in Jisung’s mind.

** _ “I’m sorry. I love you, thank you.” _ **

**Author's Note:**

> My twitter  
Sfw — @IxoraYoutaite  
Nsfw - @sirmxnhx
> 
> My CC — https://curiouscat.me/IxoraYoutaite
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!


End file.
